| Happiness is an elusive
state of mind. Everybody wants it. Some people make themselves
miserable in pursuit of it. Still others try to be happy while
hurting the people around them. Lots of people complain about
the lack of it — and blame work, family, fate, or God
for their sadness.
I don't have a simplistic formula to offer you. And I would
warn you to keep a safe distance from anyone who does! But I
ran across some research a while back that makes a lot of sense.
Most people appear to have one or both of the following expectations
about happiness: It is directly related to (1) my circumstances
or (2) finding the right person to make me happy. Both beliefs
are dangerously false!
First, salary, “stuff”, status, sex, and the typical
trappings we link to success don't always make a positive difference
in someone's life. Sometimes they only raise the level of stress.
One of the happiest people I ever knew didn't finish high
school, was a double amputee due to severe diabetes, and had
a retarded daughter. He took pride in his work. He smiled easily
and often. He was more interested in other people than he was
worried about himself. In fact, I never got the impression that
he begrudged any of the things about his life that worried others
for his sake.
Second, nobody should have the too-heavy-burden of trying
to make another human being happy. It can't be done! The term
“co-dependency” has been coined for people who are
expecting others to fill up their empty buckets. Don't expect
the impossible of anyone in your world. If somebody is looking
to you for his or her happiness, resign that miserable task
today before it kills you.
A psychologist at Claremont University says the happiest people
are those who engage in absorbing activities that cause them
to forget themselves, lose track of time, and consider many
of the things they do both work and play. The term he uses for
this phenomenon is "flow."
People who — to use Jesus' language — “lose
their lives” bringing sunshine to the lives of others
cannot keep it from creeping into their own! It is your life's
inner purpose rather than its externals that will provide real
peace.
How about it? Do you know how to go with the flow?
--Rubel
Shelly |